By Charles Bricker

You wouldn't describe Andre Agassi's hugely impressive autobiography ("Open") as humorous, but there was at least one part of this amazing and revelatory piece of work that left a number of ATP players chuckling about Slim, the mysterious "assistant" who, according to Andre, got him started on crystal meth.

Slim? Right. Real name Rich McKee, or "Little Rich," who for years existed largely in the shadows of the Agassi entourage but who was Andre's invaluable go-fer. You need the car washed? Slim's job. Need to score a couple tickets to a game or concert? Hey Slim. Not happy with the lack of Mountain Dew in the grocery stores in London? Slim, have a case sent over from the U.S. to my Wimbledon rental house.

When a few pre-publication excerpts began appearing in various publications, in which Slim was identified as the drug culprit, those who knew Agassi well began connecting the dots.

Oh yeah. Little Rich. We wondered what happened to him. Because it was just about the time that Agassi got The Call from the drug testers that Slim disappeared. I have no idea where he is today, but feel free to write if you know (bricker@tennisnews.com).

That's all the levity I'm giving you for today. It's now time to get serious because I want to have a discussion here about the conspiracy theorists who insist that the ATP back in 1997, when Agassi says he was getting high on meth, knew about his positive drug test, knew about his lying letter to the drug tribunal and swept the incident, as they say, under the carpet.

I'm not saying with 100 percent certainty that then-CEO Mark Miles and his chief legal counsel, Mark Young ("The Two Marks") didn't bury the Agassi drug mess, but I am saying the chances of them either doing it or being ABLE to do it are so marginal (I almost said "slim") that it begs reality to think that happened.

For starters, The Two Marks had no authority to prosecute Agassi or any other player for testing positive for a banned drug. That authority in 1997 was the exclusive domain of an internationally known Swedish drug-testing firm, which had contracts not only with the ATP but with several other sports leagues around the globe.

Just to catch you up, here's how the Agassi case evolved, according to Andre. He had been taking meth more or less regularly throughout 1997, a year in which he had lost interest in tennis and, obviously, lost respect for himself. Things hit rock bottom on court in Stuttgart on Oct. 21.

He had taken a month off after losing to Patrick Rafter in the round of 16 at the U.S. Open, then signed on to play singles and doubles at the German indoor event. He and Todd Martin lost in doubles on Monday and Agassi lost 6-4, 6-4 to Todd on Tuesday.

He was so down, so emotionally beaten up that Brad Gilbert, then his coach, tried to get him into a couple of bush league tournaments. We're not talking about Challengers here. We're talking about rock bottom pro events. To his credit, Agassi re-committed himself to his tennis. But shortly afterward, he tested positive and was called by a representative of the Swedish drug company to ask if he wanted to appeal or be present for the testing of the B sample.

He chose instead to have his legal representatives write to the drug testers and offer up the phony explanation that he had drunk a meth-laced soft drink that belonged to Slim. "The dog ate my homework" excuse, as Katie Couric suggested when she interviewed Agassi last Sunday on 60 Minutes.

Here's what doesn't add up for the conspiracy theorists. First, you have to believe that the Swedish company, whose financial future and integrity depend entirely on its independence, would have contacted Miles immediately upon receiving Agassi's positive A test and allowed him to influence their results. That would have been a breach because the drug tests are totally confidential until a player is found guilty and punished.

For this cover-up to have taken place would have required the concerted effort of every entity connected with tennis -- the ATP, the ITF, numerous former officials of the ATP, high-ranking players who are close to ATP executives, not to mention the individuals of the three-member panel that ruled in the Agassi case.

You're saying that over the 12 years since the Agassi incident took place not one person spilled the goods on a cover-up that involved perhaps the highest-profile player in tennis? Anyone who thinks this is a cover-up is convinced that Lee Harvey Oswald was framed by Lyndon Johnson.

So, how much did The Two Marks know about the Swedes' decision to accept, and not prosecute, Agassi? I suspect they both knew the details AFTER Andre's excuse was accepted. But not until afterward. And then, because Agassi was not declared a drug violator, neither Miles nor anyone else had the right to disclose that he had tested positive. The bottom line here is that the circle of information on an incident like this is just too wide to support a conspiracy theory.

Those people who are throwing this at the ATP probably don't understand the mechanics of how the drug program worked then. This was pre-WADA (World Anti-Doping Agency), but there still was an independent drug-testing company involved and typically included three people on the panels -- a lawyer, a doctor and a technician.

None of them work for the ATP.

Charles Bricker can be reached at bricker@tennisnews.com